Sunday To Sunday Attentive Heart

Welcome to the Attentive Heart Podcast where we explore how an integration of mind, body, and spirit makes us whole and enables us to become more compassionate to ourselves and to others. I'm your host, John Grbowich.

And today my guest is Randy. So Randy, great to see you. So why don't you just first tell us a little bit about yourself, about your background, and what occupies most of your time these days? Thank you. I'm very happy to be here, so thank you for the invite. Yeah, my name's Randy. Well, I'll try to keep this short, but I live in New York.

I started a ministry called I Am Beggar, which, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll get into that in a, in a little bit. Mm-hmm. But I had the pleasure of first meeting John, in the seminary here in New York. Yep. And we kind of hit it off right away cuz I remember thinking. Okay. Like, and I know I'm older than you, but I was like, I'm way older than all these people in here.

And then you came in and I was like, okay, this guy at least is older than those guys. So like, I'm, yes. I'm like, happy. And, and I remember, I remember where we met at the food line and so I was in the seminary for pretty much as long as you could go without becoming a priest. And yeah, you were actually in the seminary longer than me and I became a priest.

So I was, I was in for about six years. And literally right before the deacon, it ordination, I like weeks, I got out of there because. Now prior to the seminary, I lived in Los Angeles and I worked in the entertainment industry. I worked for animation studios, such as Disney, and Warner Brothers.

I did p b s kids, I did toys, I did video games. I was big into animation and I just loved the creative process. I loved art, I loved to draw, I loved to like to write and tell stories and I just kind of always felt that that was, I mean, there's something vocational about that, you know? And when I was in the seminary, I sort of missed all that and really wanted to find a way to like use it.

Those gifts and talents and, and things. And then also everything that I just learned in the seminary and my faith and my love of God and my all that. So I tried to bring the two things together and I started a ministry called I Am Beggar, which is basically just my tagline is stuff about God for people who aren't too sure about God, you know?

It's for people who are maybe on the fence. Maybe have questions and maybe like, are falling away or just, just searching, you know? And it, it kind of, I kind of touch it at those things without trying to get too preachy or too religious or too at least I hope they come across that way.

Sure. But it's really, they're, they're really for anyone, even for people who just are like, kind of looking to maybe deepen their relationship with God a little bit. And you know, I, I get a lot of comments actually from atheists, which I'm kind of proud of, and they're like, Hey man, like, I, like, I don't, don't really believe in any of this stuff, but like, that was a cool video, you mm-hmm.

So that's kind of what I'm, that's kind of what I'm going for. Yeah. That's so interesting. And there's so much to say about what you're doing here with this as you called it, a ministry, but I think. The way to understand maybe what it is you're doing is probably best to understand more about just your background.

Now, like you said, we met each other in the seminary. I remember, I think you turned 40 when you were in the seminary. I did, yeah. And I wasn't thinking to myself, wow, okay, that's gonna be coming pretty soon for me. And now I'm like 44. I'm thinking, wow, wasn't it nice when I was 40? So like, we are getting old.

Yeah. But you know, there's something to say about getting old too, and I think this is where we're really connected. W there's a, like a, a second half of life that really happens where you start to see everything very differently and that the foundation that you came from gives you a certain type of freedom to engage the world differently.

When you see that it's not actually burdensome, but it's liberating that, that what we've learned in our formative years gives us the, like I said, the freedom and the tools to be able to navigate more easily the complexities of the world, which makes it why we like talking to people who. Don't think or believe the same things that we think or believe or just weren't given the certain type of opportunities that we've had or just had a different type of formation.

So let's talk a little bit about your formation. Where did you grow up? How did you become interested in the faith? What was your spiritual life like? Let's just hear a little bit more about you first before we kind of unpack the ministry that you're doing. Yeah. Awesome. I'm from the Boston area originally.

Grew up in a just about 20 minutes north of Boston. Grew up in a, you know, Catholic family, although for me, Church was about like, literally if the girl that I liked went there, then I would go, you know, and it was like, you know, I was just like any kid who wanted to watch, you know, Bugs Bunny and my dad would be like, all right, like if you're under my roof like you're, you're coming to church and mm-hmm.

So I'd go and like my relationship. At God at that point through much of my younger years was like, I remember like, and this is a true story, like. Like literally praying for a lightsaber and, and not getting it and then being like, okay, well then there is no God. I mean, how could God not want you to, I mean, like, have the force?

Exactly. And then, and then I was like, okay, maybe a lightsaber is too much. And then I asked for like a dirt bike and I didn't get the dirt bike, so I'm like, I was convinced like there, you know, there is no God, you know. So. And then, you know, going into high school, just like any, any high school, public school at that time, like, you know, there was a mix of Christian Catholic and then mostly like people who didn't believe in any of that stuff.

And mm-hmm. I remember one story and I've talked about this a lot, but it was Ember ember you had in high school, those like talent shows where the kids, like the, the, the senior class would put on like a talent show. Sure. And I remember our class, you know, we all did stupid stuff. Like I, me and my friends, we, I like, I think we, we like did the, the dance of like the sugar plum ferries or something and we all, we got all dressed up and whatever.

And I remember there was a group of kids and they went up and they did a, they did a skit that they put together and the skit, it was literally, it was about their faith and like, you know, what it meant to them. And it was funny and it was like well written and it was like we all made fun of those kids, you know?

Sure. And, I remember driving home with my mom and we were driving home in our little Volkswagen bug, and I was kind of looking at her like, Like, could you believe like, what those kids did? And they got up, they started talking about God and all this stuff, and she gave me this look of like, she was like horrified and like disappointed and like, who, who are you, my son and all this stuff.

And, and I, that, that kind of always stuck with me and like, And to, to this day, I think of those kids and I'm like, man, like this was a rough public school. These guys went up there, they put together, like put together this awesome thing about their faith. And like, I'm like, look back. I'm like, God bless 'em.

You know? But at the time, like I, I remember making fun of them and like, I like, you know so that, that was pretty much the state of my faith, graduating high school. And then Going into college, I was totally one of those. I went to UMass Amherst, which mm-hmm. You know, has a bit of a reputation for being a party school and all that.

So I wasn't like church, nothing like, didn't mean anything. I was kind of a, yeah, there's probably something up there, but like, I don't care what it is, you know? Mm-hmm. I remember my dad used to call me and say like, oh, you know, did you find like a church or on campus or a group or whatever, and I'd just be like, like, no, you know, like, and, and I would say like, you know, dad, I don't need to go to church.

Like, I pray and like I'm spiritual. I don't need that stuff. And mm-hmm. Those were all lies, you know? I didn't do any of that stuff, but it wasn't until like, Years later when I moved out to California that I sort of had my first, okay, like, this faith thing is real, you know? Mm-hmm. So I moved out to California.

It was during a time where like anyone who knew how to draw and use a computer, they'd be like, oh, do you want to be an art director for Disney? Yeah, sure. Like, you want to be an art director at Warner Brothers? No problem. We want this huge salary. Great. You know, so like, It was just like booming.

That work was just booming. Wow. So I moved out there and started getting all this work, making all this money and all this stuff, and getting into the whole LA thing, scene, and you know, not much of a faith happening. And then I get the call, your mom has cancer. It's stage, stage four. It doesn't look good.

You know? And that just like, Like changed, like changed everything, you know? Yeah. Yeah. At that point I remember thinking, I mean, I'm a mama's boy. She was like the most special person to me in the whole world. Mm-hmm. And you know, it made me feel like the most special person in the whole world when, you know, we don't always feel that way on the inside, but I remember me being like a big hotshot thinking.

You know, okay, like I got all this money, I got all this, whatever, this life and all this stuff, but I'm like, I'm like falling apart and I can't handle this. Mm-hmm. And I remember going home and I remember one night, very clear driving home one night and it was late. It was like midnight, probably one in the morning.

It was pouring rain. And now I would never do it. But I remember thinking like Driving through this rain, I'm like, I could just drive my car off this road right now into a tree. And like, like, I don't even care. Like, because that's how numb I just felt with this whole thing, you know? Mm-hmm. And how, how old were you at this time, Randy?

It's probably, I was like 23. 23. Okay. 24, you know? I remember thinking yeah, I remember thinking like, what's the point? Like and then going home and this was the first thing where. I would see my mom and she would be like, I remember she, like, we called her Frankenstein cuz she had all these cuts all over, like from surgeries and you know, she got her lung removed, she got part of her throat cut out and she was bloated, no hair, like all this stuff.

And she was like as joyful and strong and like, Just convinced that like, whatever happens, I'm, you know, if I'm going, if it's time to go home, I'm going home. Or if, you know, or just, and she would pray with my dad and they would just like, they just had this, this strength. And that was the first time I really saw tangibly what faith kind of meant, you know?

Mm-hmm. And I was like, like I was just thinking about driving my car off the road and these guys are like going through the worst possible thing. Like my dad is losing half of himself, and my mom is going through this ugly disease and like they're like strong as can be and have this conviction of faith.

And I was just like, I just like, whatever that is, that's, I, like, I need some of that because I'm, I'm a disaster. Like I'm just a big show and a big phony, you know? Mm-hmm. And so that was my first, that was probably 23, 24. That was like my first sort of like this, this stuff is real, you know, this faith is real.

I remember I bought my mom this book about like the apparitions of the blessed mother and like I didn't know anything about Apparitions or the Virgin Mary or any of that stuff. I just, you know right? And I came home one night and I found this long note on the door, on the table, and she was like, she wrote me this beautiful letter about what this book meant to her and what the blessed version means to her and how.

She feels this special connection and bond, with our lady and all this stuff. And, and that's all she said. And, and, and she was just like, thank you for, you know, this book changed the way e everything and thank you. And ended up reading that book in like one night. And I like, that's probably the first book I ever read cover to cover my entire life, you know?

And, you know, to make a long story short, what I always say is I, I think our lady came and she like literally snatched me off the edge of the cliff. Mm-hmm. And brought me right to her son because the rest after that was history. I mean, I was praying the rosary before I even went to mass, you know?

And I think she, you know, she, she brings us to her son so that's the rest, the rest was just history after that. Yeah, that's, that's so interesting. And of course, you know, there, there are other people who say similar types of stories about the role of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Doing these types of incredible things in people's lives today.

And you mentioned something about apparitions, and there's been thought that over hundreds of years that Mary has appeared to certain people for specific purposes to strengthen not just the individual person's faith whom she appears to, but usually for that. Time period, there's something happening in history.

So that's a whole other type of conversation to have. But you know, when you say that, You introduced your mom to this book, how would you have determined her? The quality, let's just say, of her faith life, her spiritual life prior to becoming ill? Like, I mean, what was the foundation happening there in her life that made her so confident of heaven?

You say like, you know, it might be time to be going home. So she, she had this kind of understanding of heaven Looking back now on your years, maybe before that happened and your time growing up with your parents, were there glimpses that you could say, oh yeah, I can see how God was really working in their lives at a very early age, and I was just kind of either oblivious to it or I just didn't pay attention, or does that make sense?

Absolutely. Yeah. And I can think of a million things. Mm-hmm. And But the things, cuz you know, the things that stuck out to me as being you know, at that, like a, a kid and younger or a teenager and not knowing anything about faith or anything. But I remember things that stuck out to me were, first, there were always people coming to visit the house from church, like priests, seminarians, nuns, and sisters, and they would always come.

To see my mom and, you know, and, and not that my mother was this like, I mean, of course I think she was a saint, but I'm not saying like they were like traveling to see her. I'm just saying cuz mm-hmm. She had that type of personality where she would always invite everybody over and people just enjoyed being in her company.

So like, our house was always filled with people, but, but what I remember most is, Some of these people were like I, I don't know if, you know, it's like when you see that person and there's something different about them where you're, you're like, wow. Like I don't know what it is about this lady, but it's like this holiness, or this just something you can sense it.

And I remember a few people would come over like that. And they just had this way about them that like, you know, like we, we call it holiness, but like, at that time I didn't know what that meant. It was just like something where I'm like, it just put me at ease and at mm-hmm. You know, and, and I remember when, later when my mom died, seeing some of these people and just like, like sitting next to them, just.

Just gave me this comfort and, and, and then I was thinking, and those people were coming to see, like, to hang out with like my parents, you know? Mm-hmm. So that, that, that kind of stuck with me. And it's funny cuz if my dad were here, he would say, you know, he would say, yeah, I was sort of in and out of the faith and I was.

When I, before I met your mom, but she like really brought me back into it and they would go to like, you know, bible studies and they would just go to different, different church events and things and, and so they were very, you know, they were very active and yeah, my mother would she loved reading, so she would just.

Peel through these like books and spiritual books and all kinds of things. So, so I sensed it, you know, I didn't, I didn't really get it or know what it was, but I definitely sensed it. Yeah. Sometimes the best way to, you know, make that very real for people is that I, we have a lot of.

Situations and people in our lives where we don't feel peaceful. So when you find someone who is peaceful and leads, leads you to some type of sense of acceptance and belonging, or however you wanna say it You know, there's something going on because it does, it doesn't just happen like easily necessarily.

It's almost too easy to get frustrated with people and things like that and whatnot. So it's kind of neat to be able to, to get a little window into the fact that you had so many people in your life. Who you just felt so much peace around and it's a very beautiful thing. So you had a really incredible formation.

It just sounds like, I mean, whether you maybe knew that or not at the time, but clearly, I think you, you know it now. So how do you get into the seminary from this experience? And, actually maybe before we go that far, how about like, you, we just kind of hear about how did it thing, how did things go with your mom?

Like how, how did that, how did that all. Resolve. Well, she was she kind of fought this cancer for on and off for about four years, mm-hmm. And it finally took her at the end. But okay. I'm gonna tell you this story cause is is a good story. Yeah. The stories are great. Let's, so it, it was this was kind of towards the end and it was the one time that ever there was a little chink in her armor.

And in terms of like, The weight of all of this coming down on her, having, you know, gone through this for four-plus years. And you know, it, it's, you know, people come and, oh, you look great and, you know, yeah. You know, and she's like, oh, I don't look great. And, you know, and she had one, there was one point where she was kind of starting to I don't wanna say get depressed, but just like, it, it, it was weighing on her.

Mm-hmm. She wasn't eating and she wasn't quite herself. Anyway her and my father really wanted to go on this you know, trip for a, like, healing mass, which was, and if, if you want to talk about that a little bit, you can, but it was like up at this big cathedral in Canada called St. Anne's.

Mm-hmm. And it was like a mass for healing. And my mom was like, I just really want to go. And her doctors were like, you can't, you can't go. And everybody was like, you can't go. And she was kind of like, well, I'm, I'm, you know, like, I'm dying. I'm going anyway, you know? Mm-hmm. So she ends up going and, you know, we, we know now St.

Anne is the mother of. The blessed mother, the mother of Jesus' mother. Yeah. So we don't know a lot about her, but we didn't surely didn't know a lot about her at that time, my mom and all of us, but she's like, I want to go. It's like she's the patriot saint of like grandmothers and all this stuff and mm-hmm.

And so she went and. True story. And you know what they do with these healing masses is people who are sick come and, and, you know, and then, they come with their parish and they bring them up to the altar, whoever's sick, and then all the people pray over them with the priest. Mm-hmm. So when it was my mother's turn to go up, she went up and a lot of people from her parish went up there and the parish priest made the trip and they're all praying.

You know, and then that's it. And then she goes and she sits down and my dad says later on they're all having dinner. And she's like, and my dad was like, mom was like eating. She was joking. She was back to herself again. Mm-hmm. And she was just, you know, mom again. And as they were eating, some woman came by and she was like, Listen, I was part of your group when you went up and, and she's like, I wanted to go up to the altar with you, but for some reason, I couldn't and I just fell on my knees and I, she was like, I just couldn't get up and go to the altar.

And she's like, I don't know if you believe in any of this stuff. And you might think this sounds crazy, but she's like, I just felt like I had to tell you this. And she said I was sitting there praying. And as you were up there, I saw like, What she said. She said she saw a vision of like two praying hands above you and mm-hmm.

She's like, I don't know what that means. I just thought I would tell you, I don't know if you believe me, like, and like that made my mom's whole year, you know, she was, it just brought, gave her so much peace and joy and, and from that day on, she was 100% like Even more of herself. She was just like, just so like full of life and, and, and all this stuff.

And she had this incredible, she's like, Saint Anne's my favorite. Like, everything was Saint Anne. Like Saint Anne. This like things on the, on the board about St. Anne and like, you know, stickies all over the place. St. Anne, this St. Anne that, you know, books, you know, you'd find everywhere about St. Anne.

Anyway, the day my mom dies, my dad goes into the hospital and he's like, he came a little late and he said, I just knew it. You know, he didn't know, but he's like, but I knew when I walked in that something was off. Mm-hmm. And that was the day she died. And he said the first thing I did was look over and on the right next to me was, cuz it was like a Catholic hospital.

There was a calendar that has all like the. You know, feast days and all that. And he looked at the day, and it was July 26th and it was, it was St. Anne's Day. Mm-hmm. So my dad was just like, like bawling and we were all bawling and we were just like because there was no bigger fan on like the surface of the earth for St.

Anne than my mom. And, she died on St. Anne's Day. So, wow. That, brought us a lot of comfort and gave us like a lot of, Because my whole family, we were all sort of all over the place with our faith. But going through that with her brought us all back to her faith. And I, I like, if you would've asked my mom today, like, like, will, will you suffer this cancer for four years to bring your family back to the faith?

You'd be like, yeah, I'll do it. Wow. A hundred times and twice on Sunday, you know? Yeah, I mean, that's just, I mean, it's remarkable. I mean, it just really shows the interconnectivity of everything right there.

I hope you enjoyed Fr. John Grovowich. He will be back as a contributing podcaster. Please share the Sunday to Sunday Witness Podcast with your friends, and if you have comments send them to me annmary@sundaytosunday.com. As always this is Ann Mary Mullane from Kearny, New Jersey for Sunday to Sunday Productions.